Geesh--just when I write a post about the tail spin that our life is in, it bounces back. This whole "publicly report on how things are going" with Noemi is enough to make a liar out of me every.single.time. I write that our sweet girl is on an up--her sleep and mood are great--then she plummets and goes into the eerie world of disaster child for a while (and takes me with her as her hostage). Oh God, how I wish I could figure out how to not have my mood be dependent on hers. Then, with a flip of a switch, the real Noemi emerges and spring birds are a singin' again.I know I've said this before, but this up and down pattern is (so I have been repeatedly told) quite textbook. The detail that keeps me hopeful is that each time the agitation/aggression/lack of connection/blah blah blah comes to a head and gets really bad, the Noemi on the other side of it is increasingly joyous. I ain't kidding. It's like I have two different children--the one who is riddled with grief and fear and the one who is at home within herself. I never know which one is going to wake up in the morning (or refuse to sleep), but the real Noemi is starting to push away the terrified child that she is undoubtedly exhausted by, too.
Noemi loves eating strawberry popsicles in the backyard. And running after sandpipers on the beach. And lapping running water from the tub faucet like a cat. And having her top ribs tickled. And giving me high-fives as she comes to the bottom of the slide. And pretending to talk on my cell phone. And telling our kitties to "come on." And dancing to the outrageous tunes of Erasure. And putting band-aids on anything that might qualify as a boo-boo. And clutching me in the shower to have her back massaged by the warm water. And painting. And reading Everyone Poops over and over again. And snuggling with her stuffed tiger, "Chet" and her monkey, "Mo." And...and...and...
This is my daughter.I don't want my discussions of the struggles to define her. She deserves to be recognized as the child she was created to be, despite the incredible challenges she has had to face. That is what is so tricky about making public the ebb and flow of the tide that has been our first year together. She's getting through this--we are getting through this. *um--some days more than others* I'm thankful that the insane periods between a calm, happy Noemi are becoming increasingly shorter; and my prayer is that this trend continues. So thank you for reading and loving my daughter with me. Thank you for kind words, prayers, laughter and checking in to make sure that I'm still functioning. Thank you.
