Hot dang. I feel a renewed confidence in our family. I‘m not sure which variable or combination thereof has been the agent of change, but D and I have been parenting a completely different child in the last two weeks. We feel like we are meeting parts of our daughter for the first time--seeing new pieces of her personality and a new comfort level with us emerge. It’s like her little world was one festering wound that came to an oozing head last month. We had a few weeks of some freaky popping action and now it’s healing. Before our eyes.Sosi has been giddy happy (previously mentioned badger cries be gone), spontaneously affectionate and (dare I say it) sleeping like a dream boat. Her night terrors, which used to wake her multiple times a night, have only reared their heads a few times in the last three weeks. She’s now snuggling into me before going to bed in a way that she has never done, making her calmer and better able to fall asleep. She’s nuzzling her face into my neck and pressing her cheeks against mine in an adorable, droopey-eyed “drunky with affection” kinda way. She has begun taking a bottle prone on my chest, nuzzled up to me like an infant lays splayed on its mother’s chest, as opposed to us doing the awkward cradle position dance. It’s like she finally wants to be closer to me--on me--against me--she pushes and nuzzles like an newborn roots for nursing. It’s so strangely and beautifully infantile. The whole thing has had me crying more than once this week.
And then--to take the cake and make my heart swell with elation, she kissed me. After 10 months and 23 days of being with me, Sosi gave me her first unprompted kiss. In fact, there were three of them in a row. She held my cheeks in the palm of her yittle hands while she laid on the smooches. Eye contact. Smile. Slow smooch. Return to neck nuzzle. Repeat. *insert cheesy epic moment music here*
Sure, she has typical toddler tantrums and moments of over-stimulation, but we have not felt like we have been living in the tip-toe world of gorilla-inspired meltdowns and sleep deprivation of the last 10+ months. I'm sure we'll have set-backs...we're certainly not out of the woods yet, but this feels sooooooo good. She’s been playing with more purpose and is giggle-pants silly, vying for our attention. This has energized us as parents. And let's be frank, we are all happier when we have a decent night's sleep. It has made us grateful. I’ve been praying to have a grateful heart through all of the muck and mire (which, frankly, has been wicked hard); and it is so refreshing to feel authentic gratefulness flow. You mean, this is what it’s like to have a happy child and not plan my every move around our, um, er, issues? This feels so...so...normal. 
I think she is telling us that she knows we are her parents.And that her fear is starting to dissipate.
And that she can relax and enjoy our life together.
And that she is beginning to feel safe enough to fall asleep and stay asleep, knowing I will be there when she wakes up.
And that she is starting to trust that I will come home. Because “mommy always comes back.” (I’ve said this for 10 months and I can see that it’s starting to click.) Please, God, may I always come back to her.
And that she is starting to believe that Donovan and me are her home.
