Tube Socks Make it Better

They don't get friskier: My Oma and Pops, months before his passing.

Tomorrow would have been my grandfather’s 86th birthday. Holy cow, I miss that looney man--he was my best buddy. One of the adoring things about my Pops was that he rose before the sun. I was devoted to sleepovers at his house. My little pink slippers would get packed in my Snoopy suitcase and off I would go, anxious to attempt to wake before he did (never won that game--he was a farmer boy). I always slept so well there--felt so secure in the little bedroom that seemed like my own.

My first weekend at Oma and Pop's house, 1978, helping Pops with his gardens.

I wish that for Sosi--that she will have the delight of grandparent sleepovers. We are still working hard on sleep around here--far, far away from sleepovers at this point. I haven’t reported on it in a while because every time Sosi seems to hit a groove she un-grooves herself; and because it's not fun to focus on the frustrations. But here’s the honest deal: I am SO TIRED of planning life around details surrounding sleep.

Looking back to where we were in the fall, Sosi has come tremendously far. Our good days far outweigh the bad and the fight-or-flight thrashing rarely happens anymore. But what I consider good seems to be by comparison what others consider eh. She now naps for (hopefully) one hour during the day; and when I refer to her sleeping through the night I mean that she now only wakes a few times before falling back to sleep. But who likes to see her child waking up screaming (it’s never been crying, mind you--it’s always sheer screaming out the gate). Sometimes I find her wailing with her face down, still asleep. Those nights make me especially sad on many levels.

I will share that these are not ordinary she's just not a great sleeper issues. There are details in Sosi’s history that are, and will always remain, private and for her ears only. But some of the information we have explains why sleep is so challenging for her. For this reason we do the best we can; and we ask for patience from friends and family while we continue to focus on supporting her. Others typically don’t see the hysteria--that is part of the difficulty--her badger cries (as we affectionately call them) are unleashed mostly when she is in the comfort of her own home. Donovan and I recently sought help from the Institute for Children and Families. They specialize in attachment and trauma issues and have been a wonderful resource for us in this department.

Our cute sleeper in her early-morning get-up: kitty pj's and tube socks.
Note the like mother/ like daughter squat. Love it.

We still miss church more than I want to and I’ve turned down far too many invitations. It took us 7 months before we could leave her to go out (geesh--do we need more of that). We feel consumed by sleep; and though our efforts are paying off it’s a work in progress. It’s left us feeling isolated at times but we are starting to come out of the woodwork. So when you ask me how sleep is going and I answer “great,” it may be because I am just too dang tired to give you the whole story; and sometimes it’s just easier to paint with a glossy stroke.