We are on an up here in the Witmer household. Noemi’s sleeping has definitely improved; and we are now up to 3-4 good days for every one bad (awwwww yeaaaaaah). She wakes throughout the night much less than before and those wakings are due to cutting teeth or needing a back rub to fall back asleep rather than the screaming and thrashing of a few weeks ago. Sure, she still has her moments of being over-stimulated but they are much less severe. We hunkered down and tried to create a simple routine free of a ton of stimulation and this seems to have worked wonders. That being said, Noemi has turned a corner and has been tolerating more excitement in the last few weeks, gracefully surviving a birthday party, a trip to my office to meet my adoring co-workers and get-togethers with friends (finally!!!). I’m trying to break her in a bit more so that I don't pluck my eyeballs out from the insanity that is a result of only being with a baby all day.What’s the most exciting aspect of the last few weeks, you ask? Welp…my resilient Noemi started to show her affectionate side. She now puts her head on my shoulder when I comfort her or pick her up out of her crib. She doesn’t sink in for more than a few seconds but her body is starting to relax into mine in a way that she didn’t do before. Oh, I just want to eat her up when she does this. It’s funny how I didn’t realize the little affectionate things that had been missing until they started to happen. The little oh yeah—she trusts me now and knows I am her mamma things. Like how she is starting to allow me gently rock her when she is still drowsy after pre-maturely waking from a nap or how she now giggles when I kiss her face or play "This Little Piggy" on her adorable Barney Rubble toes.
This is the beauty of being an adoptive parent. I know that we have worked very hard for our relationship to be at this place. It’s difficult to take for granted the simple things—like a quick moment of her nuzzling her nose into my neck while recovering from a bonk on the head. I can see that she is starting to feel safe with Donovan and me and know that we are her favorite people. The mini-moments of knowing that our daughter loves us back are truly freeing. Best yet, I feel a depth of love for her that I didn’t experience the first 6 weeks or so. Not that I didn’t feel immense love for her; but it's safe to say that I was in pure survival mode. What my heart feels now is something of much greater and earned affection. Our positive interactions now far out number our negative ones and my connection to her has deepened in a way I didn’t realize was possible. My prayers have begun to consist of me tearfully thanking God for her more than asking God for grace and strength. This is a sign that the blessing has truly come: to be authentically overcome with thankfulness while simultaneously being freed from fear. God is near.
