Holy Pangs of Pentecost

Pentecost by Dennis Di Vincenzo, 2008

Sometimes I don’t even know how to pray through this adoption.  I picture Noemi in my mind’s eye and become a bumbling mess.  Sure, I pray for her safety, for her growth, for her happiness and for her to come home quickly; but beyond the “standards” there is something much greater that I have to depend on the Holy Spirit to interpret for me.  It’s a pang of sorts.  A pang of being separated from one’s hope for so long and then being gifted with a photo and a name.  I see this hope revealed in still pictures.  No sound or smell, a separation (of sorts) of the senses.  I attach to her through the silent images and my imagination alone.  She grows.  She changes.  I study the photos some more.  I wonder if she smells like sweet potatoes behind her ears and how heavy she'll feel in my arms.  I try to feel the texture of her hair between my fingers and the jiggle of her roly-poly legs.  I picture how her toes must curl when I kiss the soles of her feet.  The giggle I have created for her plays over and over again like a song on repeat when I close my eyes to sleep at night.  And after the giggle dies down and the silent movies of someday-coming romps in the backyard go blank, I attempt to pray.  Sometimes I come up short.  But I believe that God knows the junk of my heart;  he knows my aches and my joys and my anxieties and my hopes and how they all point to one beautiful creature.  I don’t really need to say a word, because he has already heard my prayer.  For it is in this meager space that I sense the Spirit; and that is enough.

“The Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.”
Romans 8:26

Noemi Demands Her Day in Court

Welp, Noemi's case WAS filed in court on Monday, but we have not yet heard anything about the date that her case will be heard in court to finalize the adoption.  We know of a few other families who are waiting for the same news.  It is likely that we will all be assigned to a larger group that will have the same court date. Good news is that the most recent group assigned went through much more quickly than the groups prior, so there is some promise that things are speeding up and we will get in before the August court closing.  Fingers crossed...

On the slow side of things, Ethiopia's rolling power outages have been increased from once every 3-4 days to 15 days per month, or roughly every other day, effective this week.  I can't imagine that this won't slow down communication at the very least, which is likely why we have not heard back from our contacts in Ethiopia about the pending court date. Fortunately, AAI recently raised enough money to purchase a generator for the compound.  Not so sure how long it will take to get it up and running.  Just think of trying to care for those 100+ children and babies without water?  Yowzers.  

Amidst all of this, Donovan and I have finally packaged up our Welcome Bag for Noemi.  I believe that I have been quite successful at marking all snuggle items with my scent (sniff, sniff).  They have been carefully stuffed in the dictated gallon-size freezer bag and shipped off to AAI.  It is under three pounds, as directed.  It will be hand delivered to Wanna House for the Nannies to read our letter, look through our photo album with pics of the family and take Noemi's photo in her new little outfit with the camera provided.  Did I mention that Donovan upgraded to the disposable camera with a zoom feature?  I caught him in the kitchen last night supergluing the lens into the zoom position so that the Nannies are more likely to take close-ups.  Donovan is hoping this will provide us with better composed and quality photographs.  Ahhhhh, atta boy.  

 

    BEFORE:  say goodbye to Lamb-fly and Monkey

        AFTER:  ready to rumble

Uncontrollable Ridiculousness

Things that have been making me laugh and cry at the same time, ultimately leaving me feel like a whack-co0-co0:

•  Waking up in the middle of the night and discovering the hot pink monkey cuddle toy we bought for Noemi under my head.  It will be shipped off to her this week.  How will I sleep without that monkey?

•  Her future bedroom, still the home to Donovan’s slightly cluttered office.  I’m begging him to tackle the oh-so-tiny the piles for ten minutes a day so that I can soon get my paws in there and start painting!  I've been bribing him with bottled bubbly drinks.

•  Finding out at work that Noemi’s name was filed in court and we are waiting to get news of the court date they will assign to her.  Could be soon!!!  Back to waiting for my phone to ring.

•  Finding myself staring at black baby girls in public places.  Creepy me.

•  Seeing yet another new photo of Noemi moments before going to bed—she sprouted two teeth and I don’t know how to feel about it.  Then coming home from work today to find another photo of her with (what appears to be) dimples.

•  Toasting to my beloved late Poppop with a shot of whiskey on his birthday the other night, thinking how time moves by without him.

•  Hearing my 7-year old nephew, Juan, sweetly recount a dream that he had about playing with Noemi.

•  Finding Donovan stowed away in his office, lovingly photoshop-ing the newest pics of Noemi, whispering the words "she's just darling" to himself.

•  Going to a cookout with friends and watching 15 young children run around the yard in bathing suits, happily slamming their wet bodies into each other.  I’m so anxious for her to be in on the action.

•  Finding myself lingering in the black hair-care section at Savemart, reading product labels and feeling joyfully confused.

•  Realizing 4 friends of mine all had their babies this past week.  4.  Whew.  Babies, babies everywhere!  

Giggle Girl

Everyone wants to know when the girlie is coming home!!! No new news to report—still waiting for our date to be assigned with the Ethiopian court to finalize the adoption. Our hope is that our court date is before the courts close for an approximate two-month recess from August-October. I’ll keep you posted….

In the mean time, we stare at the many faces of Noemi we have received from other families who have traveled to Addis to pick up their children. We have been blessed with many great photos of her to chronicle her growth. Thursday night Donovan and I received our first photo of a smiling Noemi. Up until that point all of the photos we had of her were of the same serene, content (albeit adorable) expression. But in this photo, she is giggling. Frankly, seeing this expression made me feel weak in the stomach—I had an immediate physical reaction. It was a true, instant and authentic connection to an image of her and I just wanted to reach into the photo and kiss her chubby little neck while she giggled. It made her come alive for me in a new way.

The next night I dreamt of Noemi for the first time. In the dream she giggled as I playfully chased her on the sidewalk in front of our house. She ran away from me with that silly toddler gait (can’t you picture in your minds’ eye that wide base, diaper butt wiggle??) while looking at me over her shoulder as she ran away laughing. I woke up happy, feeling like I am beginning to see my future with Noemi. And our future is looking bright. Very bright indeed.

My little mamma album that I don't leave home without--cute mugs of the girlie inside!

Portrait Time!

Our sweetie-pie niece, Salena, worked very hard on this portrait of Noemi.  Since Noemi's photograph is not permitted to be posted until her adoption is finalized, we figured you would enjoy seeing her depiction in markers.  Salena carefully studied Noemi's photo and paid particular attention to drawing her eyebrows.  She then gave her a blue spoon to hold and surrounded her with red baby food and blue flowers.  Who doesn't love baby food with a little red dye #40?  Thanks for this beautiful portrait complete with flowers, Salena!  Noemi is going to LOVE her big cousin!

A Prayer for Noemi

“I know that you can do all things and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” Job 42:2

God of morning, grant me the hope and perseverance that I need to get through the coming days. Remind me of your unfailing presence when abandonment creeps in—bring me into a spacious place and deliver me again. Push away the darkness of uncertainties, fears and exhaustion and connect me to the light of tomorrows. 

Lord, hear my prayer. 

God of protection, I pray that she be kept safe from fear, loneliness and confusion. That the family she has lost will always be known and held close. I pray that security and affection be part of her everyday so that she may know and share in the love of those around her. I pray that the self-sacrificial spirit of her first family live on in an unyielding strength and compassion.

Lord, hear my prayer.

God of nourishment, I pray for her to grow, but not too much before I get to hold her. I hope that her wide baby eyes someday soon be locked with those of us anxious to embrace her. May she find her voice, may she find her laughter and may she learn to use them with abandon. Continue to grow her a strong body as her knees rock and feet prepare to patter.

Lord, hear my prayer.

God of assurance, I pray that your spirit hovers over her little hands that lay limp as she sleeps. Protect her dreams that they may be filled with visions of gentle arms and someday-coming mother. Kiss her on the brow tonight, baptizing her with your breath so that she may know she is your child first.  May she sense your presence in her life and now and forever.

Lord, hear my prayer.  Amen.

She Hearts NYC

Who says a baby doesn't love a mime?  Noemi's dear Auntie Fossa has been so smitten that she decided to take her along on a trip to New York City and show her the sights.  Thanks, Auntie Fossa--you're the best!