Crab Therapy and Beyond

After the heightened anxiety of the last few weeks, we fled to the shore for some quiet time as a family.  The beach has proven to be therapeutic for all of us in the past; and I am relieved to see that Noemi genuinely lights up and feels regulated when she has full access to an unending water source.  Tip:  the farther out she has her tongue, the more she is having a blast.  As long as we park ourselves by the ocean's edge, our girl is one delighted soul.  We knew that our family needed some shore time.

Scene One:  The Shore
We initially spent a few days as just the three of us and then good friends joined us to round-out the holiday weekend.  And it was just what we all needed.  Noemi got her water-play and Daddy-throw-me-higher sensory input and I got my sun and butt-on-the-sand input.  I also got to dive into picking crabs with my dear friend, Ellis, who craves them as much as I do--nothing beats a glass of chardonnay and a heaping plate of steamed beauties. For the record, Ellis and I sat there long after the table was cleared and the sky grew dark, picking and sucking away.  Note:  This is not a turn-on to most husbands.  Some girls get manicures, Ellis and I pick crabs.  

Noemi hanging tough with the big kids

Scene Two:  Coming Home
Since returning from the shore, we have been on lockdown for uber-conscious intimate time.  Today, our giggly, rested, regulated girl was back.  She affectionately called me "mommy bird" and tweeted playfully for me to feed her. 

But here is where I get all sappy about how the struggles eventually beget great rewards...if we just are able to hang in there...(oh, and how I hang on by a string sometimes).

As I gave Noemi her bottle last night during our normal bedtime routine, she gently leaned her head back and looked in my eyes.  Mind you, this happens occasionally.  But it's rare that she is truly at complete rest with her eyes for more than a few seconds during bottle feeding.  She has great eye contact during conversation, but bedtime has a history of being a vulnerable time for her.  Typically, she'll look in my eyes then start to tensely blink and avert her eyes while making incessant chatter.  She hasn't physically resisted sleep in months, but it's interesting how she hangs on to the control/resistance through her eyes and voice.  Last night, her eye contact was long enough that I studied the little pigmentation spot she has on her right eye and the lines in her deep brown irises.  It lasted for what seemed like minutes.  Admittedly, I teared up...but she didn't look away.  She just kept sucking and gazing until her eyes slowly closed.

I am fully aware that this seems like such an everyday I-can't-believe-this-is-the-subject-of-a-blog-post baby behavior.  But that's my point.  This is what newborns naturally do.  And this is what Noemi has worked so hard for the last 22 months to learn to do with me.  Noemi has demonstrated before that her "explosive periods" are often an indication that she is on the verge of taking a step toward becoming more attached.  And so, I celebrate the minor miracles that matter so much.   Even though we were back to dodgy eyes during nap-time today,  she demonstrated a new connection last night.  What mother doesn't yearn for that? 

Counting the blessings...