The Insanity Settles In

I finally broke down and called AAI yesterday with some specific (and hopefully non-desperate sounding) questions. During the conversation, AAI referred to us being “at the top of the list” and that a referral should be coming “in the very near future.” At this point, I freeze every time the home phone rings, check my cell phone incessantly to make sure the battery has not died and check, recheck and triple check my email. I even cried (yes—actual tears) when the Fed Ex guy dropped off a package that looked as if it could be the same size as a baby’s file. It was really from State Farm Insurance. I didn’t break into tears because I was sad or disappointed; I cried because I realized how ridiculous I'd become. 

 That all-too familiar knot pushing between my ribs that makes me want to laugh and throw up at the same time won't go away once we know the face, age and name of our little lover. The insanity will undoubtedly be replaced with a new level of madness I have never before experienced. Having to wait 4-6 months to go embrace our little shining person, hear his/her little bird voice and pat that little chocolate bum will be torture. I take comfort in knowing there are wonderful people holding, rocking, kissing and singing to each baby at Wanna House. And our baby, likely there in the orphanage now, is being loved as I write. So for now I buff my cell phone, unplug and re-plug in my home phone, call my voicemail to make sure it is still working and turn up my ringer to the highest ring. You know, just in case. So please don’t call me. I wouldn’t want to tie up the line.